Hello fellow regulars,
Are you ready for the best party in your lives? Well, guess what? It’s a POLITICAL PARTY, and you’re invited!!!
NOW is your chance to win a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to see Eric Garcetti – the coolest and most normal mayor in the entire world – and his celebrity entourage in LA on a night you’ll never forget! The Democratic Midterm Victory Fund (in association with Garcetti 2020 and the LAPD Community Relationship Division) is throwing the most epic party Los Angeles has ever seen tonight (!) – Tuesday, September 25th. And who doesn’t love parties thrown by COPS?
We’re trying to raise $1 million dollars in one day, with all the proceeds going towards tightly fought Democratic races across the country, but more importantly, to showcase how nice of a guy Eric Garcetti is putting this whole shebang together!
“I’ve been witnessing Republicans in this country pouring money and organizing into local elections, and Democrats were failing to do that,” Garcetti said. “So I woke up one morning and said, ‘Why isn’t that money benefitting me in some way?’ It was a true epiphany. That’s where the idea of this fundraiser came from: me. Eric Garcetti. Who isn’t running for President. Wink, wink.”
All you have to do is enter your name (along with a modest $10,000 donation good towards the “Garcetti Preemptive Presidential Election Race Blue Wave Slush Money America Children Freedom PAC LLC”) for your chance to be eligible to win tickets to party with a slew of Garcetti’s closest celebrity allies like:
- Joe Biden
- Jamie Kennedy
- Turtle from Entourage
- Sharon Osborne
- Viva La Bam’s Raab Himself
And experience musical performances from:
- DJ Khaled
- DJ Scott Disick
- The Black Eyed Peas’ apl.de.ap
- One of the Twenty-One Pilots
- Sonia Sotomayor
Attendees who provide a $50,000 donation or higher will be treated to a private “Slow Jam The News” performance with Mayor Garcetti backed by The Chainsmokers. The party will also feature live airbrushing, lots of vague, flowery speeches, and a general cloud of ignorance of rich people throwing money at a problem instead of analyzing the problem’s true root – plus all you can drink Fireball and craft beer and other stuff people in 2012 were into!
This epic bash will be followed by an after party hosted at the third vacation home of Verizon CEO Hans Vestberg with a 6 hour Back-to-Back-to-Back DJ set by Elijah Wood, Moby, and Jeffrey Goldberg. It’s gonna be lit, fam… and/or a mood!
RSVP here to this normal event that is totally appropriate for a mayor to be doing while Los Angeles is facing a teacher’s strike and an affordable housing crisis that is the shame of a nation.